11th grader dating 7th grader
(Drugs also come into so- called dating.) If our kids hang with a crowd that don't date, it's easier.We're all in this together Dec 2001 I would like to hear from parents about what kind of parameters they set for dating for 16 year old girls --particularly sexually active ones who ( in addition to being great kids) can be defiant, unreliable, do not tell the truth and have various emotional problems for which they are in treatment/ on medication.Jan 2008 My 15 year old daughter informed me yesterday that she's been texting an 18 year old boy she met at the bus stop. At the time, I talked with her about ''the dangers'' while also validating how good it felt to have someone notice you etc. So, now they're texting and she's grinning and blushing and feeling all special . ) On the other hand, my saying that will only encourage her as she is seriously rebelling these days.She had told me about him a month ago, telling me that this really cute guy kept approaching her to talk with her. I tried talking with her about it but she was angry that I was ruining her fantasy and finally said ''Fine! '' which I trust about as much as I trust George W. Any feedback from parents who have been through this? Sign me as: conflicted mother My daughter started seeing a 15 year old boy (on the water polo team)when she was 15 and I had her keep her door open when he came over and requested that his parents do the same. I always ask her to be home by dark, no matter what she's doing, out of not wanting her to walk around alone at night because it's not safe. I offered to give him a ride home but he didn't want one.That does not mean, that if you think she is too young that you need to hide that opinion, but present it in a way that acknowledges her ability to make different decisions, and make sure it conveys your concerns about the effects her choices may have on her rather than an issue of right or wrong.When adults approached me in this way when I was a teen, they made the most impact.I find myself in the unsettling position of wanting to say very conventional things like ''An 18 year old boy only has one thing in mind.'' And then I feel bad. Older guys pick on younger, more vulnerable girls because it's harder for them to say no. They mostly spent time together at school, at lunch, or met before school for coffee. I told her that I wanted to meet him before they went ''out'' anywhere. Just make sure she knows that she can call you anytime and you will pick her up. That way she might talk to you about any things she doesn't know how to handle.Talk to your daughter about different things that can happen when she is with him and let her know she can make a choice about what she wants to do. I also tell her if he wants to ''go farther'' than she does, she absolutely has the right to say ''no''.
Set the rules that you think are appropriate for her, if they are not 100% enforceable acknowledge this to her, and be clear about the consequences if you do find out that they have been broken.
It's unclear to me what your goals are, and this is the first step in setting up guidelines or procedures of any sort.
It sounds from your message as if you are conflicted with regard to your goal.
She needs to prove to you and herself that what you think, is of no concern to her - but it is a ruse - it matters more than she can accept or let on.
If you are not condemning (and sounds like you are not) but instead acknowledge the fact that this is ultimately a choice she must make about her own body, she will be more able to hear the things that you want to say about the situation.
When my daughter asked me when I thought a girl was ready to have sex, I replied ''when she's ready to handle a baby.'' We all know that every form of birth control has a failure rate, so I don't think it's too far out to talk about pregnancy.